Shrink Rap

More and more couples are realizing that emotional intimacy is an extremely desirable feature of a relationship. Emotional intimacy – the process of sharing thoughts, feelings, wishes, and fears – leads to a closer bond between two persons. Emotional intimacy involves free and open communication, without fear of rejection or condemnation.

What does it take to achieve emotional intimacy?

First, there must be a significant level of trust in the relationship. Trust is necessary because of the gradually increasing self-disclosure of one’s innermost thoughts and feelings. As each person becomes more and more “exposed”, vulnerability increases, as does the risk of being hurt. Therefore, trusting one’s partner to be sensitive to your vulnerability is critical.

Often, pain accompanies the process and is an indication of the degree and depth of exposure of oneself to their spouse, or significant other, in areas which are extremely sensitive. Such sensitive areas include: expressing personal needs and desires, exposing flaws and weaknesses, and conveying to your partner satisfactions as well as dissatisfactions with life’s everyday problems and concerns.

There must be honesty in verbalizing one’s feelings and a true dedication to this process of establishing closeness and a finely developed system of communication. Each person must be able to disagree, experience anger, and express anger in words without attacking the other person. It is impossible to communicate openly when one fears encountering a judgmental or confrontational partner. Ideally, some resolution must follow the inevitable misunderstandings that arise.

Another requisite in achieving emotional intimacy is having a non-destructive environment where a couple can routinely share quiet time together. Finding quiet time requires special effort with the many responsibilities couples have including the demands of children, stressful work schedules of one or both partners, and other pressures.

Lastly, methods of communication are significant in this process. It is necessary to proceed with fairness, admissions of error and forgiveness. Most of all, there must be a basic fundamental caring, consideration and respect for the other person and their feelings. Achieving emotional intimacy is certainly not easy, but it can be one of life’s most rewarding endeavors.