Shrink Rap

Divorce is a death – the death of a family unit as it was. It will never again be the same. As with any death, there are grief stages that must be experienced both by parents and children. Divorce, when children are involved, is a catastrophe. As the family unit breaks up, everyone’s foundation is shaken. This results in a loss of feelings of security in children and they may regress to earlier levels of development.

Evidence of regressive behavior include: bed wetting, temper tantrums and “acting out” their anger. Children, like adults, experience feelings of anger and sadness. Depending on the age, sex and personality of the child, their ability to articulate their feeling varies.

Every child must have the opportunity to verbalize their feelings to someone they trust. Feelings of anger and sadness do not go away-they are either internalized and become depression, or expressed externally as inappropriate, angry “acting out” and rebellious behavior.

Divorce, in and of itself, does not have to be destructive to children. If the child is treated with respect through the divorce process and afterward and given the opportunity to express their feelings, the obstacles presented by divorce can be successfully negotiated.

Professional help, i.e., psychotherapy-can provide a neutral, confidential setting which facilitates the expression of a child or adolescent’s feelings. For the younger or less verbal child, psychotherapeutic methods utilizing art or play aid in theexpression of feelings.

If a child whose family is divorcing, is showing changes in behavior that include a decline in school performance, regressed, angry and rebellious behaviors, or isolation and withdrawal indicative of depression, then professional assistance is a necessity to prevent any worsening problems and to effect a positive change.